Thankful for Much

All month I have reflected on things I am thankful for. There are so many things, too numerous to name, but I'll list a few.

Above all else, I am thankful for God's undying love for me and my family and His complete faithfulness to us. It is because of this that I have received all else to be thankful for.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends. John 15:13

That we are chosen and saved, despite the fact that we fall short.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. Romans 3:23-24

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:21

For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit. 1 Peter 3:18

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. Titus 3:5-7

And that He has always had a plan for me.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. 1 John 5:4

When one of my sons joined this family, he asked me to read to him about love from the bible. He had never felt loved, had never known love, and wanted to know what God had to say about it. I read him this:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

It was then I realized just how much I all fall short of this standard. I certainly am not very patient or kind, at times, and I certainly can be rude, self-seeking, and easily angered! My tongue is not still! Certainly, love has not always protected him, he could never trust in it, and love has failed him many times in his young life. So, we had a little discussion about how we all fall short of this and that God is the only one who loves this perfectly. We are called to love. Above all else, love. Deeply.

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:37-40

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. Romans 13:10

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35

We can never love perfectly on our own but we can love if we let Jesus's love pass through us, then others will know of it.

For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

I am thankful that we are God seekers. I have known no greater peace in my life before knowing Him, even though life around me hasn't changed a great deal, I am changed, my perspective is changed, and I see much less anxiety, hyperactivity, and fear in my children as they learn who God is and Trust in Him.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-8

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

I am so very thankful that I have not had to enlist the aid of any police officers, psychiatrists, therapists, mobile response units, or crisis hospitals for over 3 months now. That is a record and truly a blessing as a result of God's love and grace as we seek to know Him and obey His Word. I'm also thankful that most of my children no longer require medication to function on a day-to-day basis. Most of my adopted children came to me taking several medications per day. Usually 2-5; however, one came at 7 years old taking 21 pills per day of 4-5 different medications! At first, I was afraid to mention it. I didn't want to 'jinx' it, but I trust in the Lord that all will continue according to His good plan because He loves my children more perfectly than I ever could.

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:6

For, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." Romans 10:13

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:4-7

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

For all His blessings, I hope I remain forever thankful.

Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.
I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. Psalms 63:3-5

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Thankful for Fulltime Families and Dads

      Although we are a FTF member, we are not *yet* a FULLtime family. We are a family with a "sticks and bricks" house who RVs several months of the year. We attend FTF rallies and meet up with other FTF members as often as we can in our travels.

some families at the PA RenFest

      It occurred to me during our last 'outing' to PA, as my boys were giving me the play-by-play of every move one of our male members made at his camper, how much the FTF dads mean to my children. My current 8 are all adopted & got only a mom out of the deal. In some ways, it was better for some of them not to have 2 parents, as expert triangulators will pit one parent against another to manipulate to get their way, but one of my boys cried when he met me and found out there was no dad in this family. They know God as their dad, and He's the only one I ever had, as well.

Some families at game time

      The FTF dads who spend time with my children provide a good example of what a dad should be. My children have truly enjoyed playing football, playing instruments, exploring, riding rides at theme parks, sharing pot luck suppers, sitting around the campfire, and just chatting about Christianity, music, sports, motors, and whatever else it is you guys have chatted with my children about. They are learning so much about a man's/father's role in life. Thank you to all the FTF community and the dads who will knowingly, or unknowingly, exert a positive influence on my children as we travel.

my daughter's drawing of our RV

Life in a Dealership Lot

While on the road, silly me let the RV run out of gas. Then, I allowed some "nice passerby" to try to "help" me move off to the side of the road. He popped my steering box and Good Sam couldn't find a tow service so the police had to secure one. After 3 hours we were towed back to the campground. After 2 days of searching for a mechanic to fix the RV, we were towed to a dealership for the repairs; however, Good Sam, again, took forever to secure a tow company then we were towed to the wrong place. By the time we arrived at the right place Friday afternoon, it was too late to start work on the RV. So, our 5 days living at a dealership began. We've stayed at gas stations, truck stops, rest areas, and Walmarts overnight before, so it wasn't completely new for us.

this was 'home' for 5 days



So many things went wrong. I'll spare you the details but, suffice it to say, it could've been way worse than it was. We were given food and a heater by other RVing family friends for our stay. We were greeted Sat. morning by the dealership workers and 18 McDonald's breakfast sandwiches. We had free popcorn, cookies and cakes, water, tea, coffee and hot chocolate daily, free electricity, and free wi-fi. So, we were able to eat, drink, homeschool, and keep in touch with others online for the duration. I actually got a lot of homeschooling done while there. We were fixed and ready to leave Mon., and a few kiddos were not happy about leaving there and one even had a tantrum, but we broke down 7 miles up the road and had to be towed back for an additional night and day. The kiddos rejoiced, even though we still weren't at a campground with the families we had been with. The dealership needed to replace the ignition assembly and that night we were sent pizza by the dealership workers.

our home



We finally left Hershey Tue. afternoon, stopped by Chocolate World for a bit, stopped at home base for necessities, then headed to Lancaster to meet up with the friends we had been with in Hershey. We went trick-or-treating and had pot luck dinners around the campfire, roasted marshmallows, played instruments, and laughed the night away with other FTF. We had a great time and forged new friendships along the way. I so value our FTF community. God is good. He provided for our needs and what could have been a stressful, hectic, negative experience turned out to be quite a pleasant one even though it didn't work out exactly as originally planned (as if it ever does). The kiddos even handled all of the unexpected disappointments very well.

A Heart for Orphans?

Imagine feeling like no one loves you, or even likes you, like no one wants you around. Imagine believing that you are so bad, bad to the core, evil even; so unlikeable, unlovable, and worthless that you deserve every bad thing that ever happens to you ... then having many, many bad things happen to you, daily maybe ... some things done by your own parents, people who are supposed to love you automatically. Or imagine being ignored. Treated as though you simply don't exist; you are THAT insignificant to even your own parents. Now magnify those feeling by 1,000,000,000,000,000. That's how these children feel. How my children have felt. That death was definitely better than anything this life has to offer. Imagine being a young adult with no family: no one to call, no one to visit on holidays, no one to give you away on your wedding day. Imagine always feeling like the outsider as you try to join in other families and their traditions, knowing there is a huge something missing in your own life.
After reading this story about a brave teen in foster care making a public request for a family, I couldn't get it out of my mind. I woke up a day later and it was still weighing heavily on my heart. I am aware of the statistics. There are many more churches than orphans. In fact, if just one family from each church adopts one orphan child, there wouldn't be enough children to go around. You can check the statistics for your state here.
This has always been a passion of mine. After having 3 birth children I adopted my first of 9 foster children in 2002: a 14-year-old girl. Adopting teens, specifically, became a passion after learning the statistics regarding what happens to children who age out of foster care without permanent families:

Outcomes
Earned a high school diploma         54%
Obtained a Bachelor’s degree or higher     2%
Became a parent                 84%
Were unemployed                 51%
Had no health insurance             30%
Had been homeless                 25%
Were receiving public assistance         30%

All of these statistics are staggering. I feel led by God to put this out there right now. If God has put this on your heart, act on it. Have faith that, if He put it on your heart to do, then you can do it with Him. He is faithful.
To be honest, adopting children from foster care who have sad histories has been hard. Very hard. It has pushed me beyond my wildest dreams. It has exposed all of my weaknesses, faults and flaws to my blind self. It has made me work harder than ever in my walk to be the person God intended me to be ... and I'm not finished yet. Yet, it has been extremely rewarding. It has made me a better person and the little lives I'm entrusted with are forever changed. Despite my faults and flaws, they are thriving. Some of them have far exceeded their "professional's" expectations. Most importantly, I believe they all know they are loved. They are worth something. They have a purpose here and an eternal future with their heavenly Father, the only father they (or I) have ever known.
If God lays it on your heart to help orphans and you feel adoption isn't your calling, consider finding a way to support orphans in other ways. Pray for them. Pray for those who care for them. Pray for families to come forward and commit to them. Provide a few hours of respite, a donated pre-made dinner, a gift card, a family game, pull some weeds, mow their lawn, or find some other tangible gift to families who foster or adopt. When we are dealing with mental, emotional, or behavioral issues resulting from an early life of abuse, neglect and trauma, we don't have time for mundane tasks like cooking dinner, mowing the lawn, or even taking a shower! Sometimes we feel so alone and your caring helps lift us up and keep us going. Thank you in advance for considering whatever God is putting on your heart. Thank you, God, for your love and faithfulness.

"I can't love you when my heart hurts"

I usually only blog a few times a year. I just blogged last week but I had a special request from my boy. My children know I blog, mostly about them. I'm quite sure they don't like their dirty laundry aired in public but they sort of trust me to keep their stories somewhat confidential in that I try not to identify which of my 12 children I'm referring to at the time; although, if you know our family well enough you can probably guess. I have one I lovingly refer to as my 'raddish'. If you are unfamiliar with the term, it is used to identify children, usually adopted but sometimes not, with attachment issues. Attachment issues = Trust issues. Behavioral issues. Emotional issues. You can google RAD or attachment if you want more info on that. My baby boy and I had another discussion the other day and he informed me that I MUST blog this and, if I don't, he will. Okee Dokee.
As par for the course, my boy had made a few poor choices in his life recently. Usually it goes like this: he does something wrong, I confront, he gets mad/denies/lies/blames others, I ground him, he acts out in passive-aggressive ways, or just aggressive ways, sometimes requiring police assistance or extra therapy sessions or crisis intervention, he blames me, isolates himself, sinks into a depression, I do everything within my power to talk to him, he finally gets out of his mood, he becomes manic and hyper, does something stupid, gets in trouble, and the cycle of up/down continues about every 2 weeks or so. It's exhausting.
So, he did wrong, I found out, he started on that path to depression. I saw it coming. I brought the warning signs to his attention for 2-3 days because he was in denial about his own mood. So, I went into his room on day 3 to have a little chat and asked him what was wrong. "Tired." "No," I said, "It looks like depression. Why are you depressed?" He shared. I assured him he is loved, cherished, and adored ... no matter what he does. He said, "I can't believe you love me that much, even after all I do. You are like a little bird flying to a certain tree all the time and I just keep throwing rocks at you but you keep coming back to that tree. You're like Jesus, always there, even when I hurt you, you just won't go away. It's kind of annoying and sometimes I just want you to go away but, then again, I don't. Even when I push you away, you just keep coming back. No one has ever done that for me before." SCORE!
It was my boy's desire that everyone knows his mom loves him like Jesus loves, or maybe that God loves him, or ... I'm not really sure what his desire was. My love is hardly the same as God's and it took me a LONG time to learn how to love at all having grown up not knowing what love looks like; however, I have discovered what God's love looks like and I try my very best to show that love to my children, knowing they may never have known what love looks like either. I think my boy is starting to see what God's love looks like and I believe, once he can truly accept it, his life will forever change. I pray he does.

Psalm 147:3

I have another son who is pure joy to know. He and I had an argument and he said, "I hate you." I left to do an errand and when I returned he came skipping to the door saying, "Mommy! I love you!" I said, "You love me? An hour ago you hated me."  He said, "I love you." I asked why he said he hated me. He said, "I can't love you when my heart hurts." Very profound words from such a little guy. None of us can love when our hearts hurt. We can only love when we know love and feel love. When our hearts are filled with God's love, a love that never dies, then we can love others. I know this boy knows God's love, even when I'm not a shining example of it, and he's got a good handle on forgiveness, too. I am truly blessed and honored that God can use me as an instrument of His love in the lives of others and has placed these children in my life.

What Kind of Love?

Last week, I was contemplating the mysteries of this world and realized that, since God knows all and has always known all since the beginning, He must've known what was going to happen as He created human beings. I wondered what kind of love is that where One would create such a thing, knowing what we would do, and willingly expose Oneself to pain and suffering, betrayal and death on the cross. I was feeling very thankful that that kind of love exists for me, still not completely comprehending it.

Then, one day, one of my sons punched me. In the back. When I wasn't looking. I wasn't prepared. It seemed so unfair to me. I didn't even have an opportunity to protect myself. He and I had an argument and we were overtired and things escalated, as they do at times. I was shocked, but not completely. You see, I adopt older children from foster care. Children who have been hurt and neglected. Children who have felt alone and unloved by the very people who are supposed to love them: their own families. Parents. Grandparents. Aunts. Uncles. Siblings. God. Their very young, self-centered selves deduce that life was bad for them because they are bad, that there must be something inherently wrong with them for their very own parents to hate them so. Of course, their views formed at those young ages are very skewed and they are too young to see life the way adults see life but, nonetheless, they must overcome all of that. They must change the way they view things. But, because of their life view, they have a strong desire, need, life or death desperation, to control their world as best they can. To protect their fragile hearts from more hurt. To preserve what little dignity and self-esteem they might have left. They do that with very negative, dysfunctional behaviors, like punching holes in walls ... and hurting people who tell them what to do or who say "no." The pain inside them is rekindled with each incident until ... BAM. I once asked said child what he is so afraid of that he can't tell me how he feels. He said he will die. He. Will. Die. If he shares his feelings and he is betrayed or hurt even one more time he will die.

So, because these children feel badly for what they do in their unregulated states and must preserve their own humanity, they blame others. They justify. They deny. They lie. They rage. They isolate. They harm themselves. Those around them feel every ounce of their pain. They make sure of it. Because they hurt so very much, others know it yet I'm convinced they mostly feel very ashamed that they hurt others. I once told my boy that I was willing to take his pain. I begged him to let me have it, terrified, knowing full well what that meant. He fought me on that but little by little he began to share it with me. He says he isolates to protect others from the "demon-possessed" person within him. He says he fears hurting me in his anger. He fears I will abandon him because of it. Sometimes he will say, "You have no idea how much I want to hurt you right now." I thank him for telling me that. That's love and respect right there. He trusted me enough to share his very strong feelings with me. This time, he said nothing but he left me the following picture:

His request: Take This Journey With Me. How can I refuse?

This time, he hurt me physically and emotionally but, this time, he did not isolate. He did not quit. He used what he's been taught and stood strong. He trusted and believed the messages his new mama has told him these past 3 years. He believed the truths of the bible. He relied on God's promises, even though he has many doubts. He stood strong, did his best to live life, to get out of bed each day and do his school work, go to work, exist in the same room his mom is in, however briefly, even after what he did. He attempted to communicate in the ways he knows how. Did I make it easy for him? Heck no. When he came to hug me, did I hug him back? No. When he said he was sorry, did I tell him he was forgiven? Nope. Was he forgiven? Of course he was. Why didn't I tell him? Part of me was in shock. Part of me didn't want to let him off the hook so easily. Part of me wanted him to stew in his guilt for awhile. Part of me felt he deserved a consequence, a punishment, for his behavior. Did I tell him I still love him? No. No. No. I was too stubborn so I prayed about it. What did God want me to do? How did God want me to respond? I knew. In love. With compassion and forgiveness. Why should I? Because that's how God responds to me, every time I fail, no matter how badly I fail.

Of course, the boy was avoiding me. Avoiding the possible rejection. Avoiding facing the truth of what happened. Even though he wasn't isolating, he was avoiding talking to the mom. The few times we tried to talk, it just didn't come out right. So, after much prayer, I got the boy alone and he couldn't simply walk away. I revisited a story I've told him many times: the story of his adoption. They all get to hear how they were chosen. It goes something like this: I look at pictures and read brief profiles. I listen to God's voice. When I find a child that weighs heavily on my heart, I read the background history, then I look into the eyes of that child's picture and ask myself "Can I love this child NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO?" I imagine the worst things a child could do. Those things include things I know to have been done to them in their past, and things they've done in the past. If the answer is "yes", then I pursue that child and bring them home. I chose him. Punching me in the back would be a minor offense compared to the things I'd imagined he'd do before I brought him home. I reminded him of the commitment I made and reassured him that punching me was one of the things I decided to accept when I made that commitment and that I, in fact, knew it would happen so, now that it's done and out of the way, we can move on to more healing.

As I explained this adoption story to my beautiful baby boy, again, it occurred to me: God made that same commitment before He created. He knew, in advance, what we would do. He knew He would have to sacrifice His Son and that we would punch, kick, beat, torture, kill, and worship other things ... yet, he made the commitment to love us anyway. To adopt us anyway. There's got to be something worth all that in the end ... and that's the truth we choose to live for. That's the kind of love we live for.