At church tonight, our congregation was asked to stand if we've fostered 3 or more children. I thought to myself, "Well, I know many people who have fostered tens or hundreds of children. I bet lots of people will stand." Nope. Not at all. When we got home, I commented that it was very sad that no one else stood up.
Sitting here chatting with one of my sons before bedtime, he starts telling me about all of the Christian people he has come across in his life who help children in some way: some of his foster parents, hospital workers, group home workers, etc. He started telling a story of how he had had a conversation with a young man working at the hospital he stayed in after his suicide attempts. I recall that time in my life. I was frantic. Worried sick. Angry. Frustrated. As I rushed to get his bag of clothes ready and drive them to the hospital for him, I was spouting off bible verses and truths about God's love for my son that I expected another son to relay to my hospitalized son. His response was, "Ma, you gotta chill. Just let him have some time to be angry." Yes, my son was angry ... at me, at himself, at his birth mother, at the world, ... at God. So, he had decided it would be better to go to sleep and never wake up again than to keep on living.
I was quite surprised to learn my son had been preaching the gospel the entire time he was hospitalized. He certainly wasn't talking to me much at all. He says the Christian woman who worked at the hospital took a liking to him and let him stay up later than the other kids on the floor. He also met a Jewish man and had quite a discussion about religion with him . He chatted with a man who viewed his religion as just that: a religion. He wasn't particularly faithful in it and married a woman with a different faith. My son asked him some questions, which he refused to answer, then he came back at my son with the same questions, which he promptly answered. My son explained that his faith is not about religion but about a relationship with God. The man asked how he can have a relationship with someone who is not there. Ahhhh, but He is here. So, my son explained how that is possible; how God speaks to us and is always with us.
I must admit, I'm quite impressed by my son's insight and courage. Also, I'm surprised to hear that he was leading people to Jesus, all the while he was mad as hell at God at the time. Funny how God works.
Some days, I can't wait to meet my next child(ren). Some days, I feel whooped and am ready to quit adopting. When no one stood up at church tonight, I was saddened. I told my son, if I were the leader of a church, that definitely would not be acceptable to me. As a church, we should be appalled by the lack of commitment to our orphans. Do you know, if only one family from each church adopted only one child, there wouldn't be enough children for everyone? Yet, we have thousands of children waiting in foster care for a permanent family to call their own.
May is National Foster Care month. Growing up in foster care is not good. Many children are abused in foster care, on top of the abuse/neglect they faced in their first homes. There are good foster homes, yes, but that is still different than having your own forever family. Foster children feel unloved, unwanted, and unworthy. All of my children came to me feeling that way. They lacked faith or had a burning anger toward God. They waited in foster care for 5-10 years to be adopted. Some were bounced from home to home or, in some cases, from hospital to hospital. Most of them have siblings who were adopted either by birth family or foster families. The first question I had to face when they moved in with me was, "Why did my (birth/foster) family adopt my (brother/sister) but not me?" or "Why didn't my parents want me?" That's some tough stuff right there. Many, many children in foster care are never adopted. They age out. The
statistics (or these) on what happens to kids who age out of foster care are staggering. My sons have siblings who aged out. They struggle. They need parents, even over the age of 18. Their children are now in foster care. My "grandbabies" have gotten scabies in their foster home. They've contracted lice. They had ticks on them. They show up to visits wearing baggie clothes and shoes that are 2 sizes too big. I gave them each $10 for their school book fair, which was stolen by their foster parent. They've been beaten up by older children in the home before. And this is where they're supposed to be safe?
The church needs to step up and do something, do more than we are doing. I understand that not everyone is called to foster or adopt, but many of you are. Why aren't you? Yes, it's hard at times. So? Parenting is hard. Period. Not everything God asks us to do will be easy. If it were, would it be fullfilling? Would it glorify Him? Would it increase people's faith? Would it lead people to the cross? Step out in faith and just do it. Stop finding excuses. If He asks you to do it, He will provide the way.
I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:18
"Adoption changes a person. It just does." That is a quote from one of my boys. None of them understand it, yet, but, yes, adoption changes a person. God has healed my children, and me, from so much heartache. It has been a blessing to witness His work.
... He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will - Ephesians 1:5
And to those who are not called to foster or adopt, you are called to help the orphans and widows in their distress and to give to the poor. Are you?
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27
Here are some ways you can help:
Pray for orphans and families. Pray for the church.
Donate to group homes, foster family associations, adoption agencies, foster/adoptive families you know, etc.
Cook a family a meal. Invite them over for game night. Don't be offended if they can't come or must leave early. Raising children who were traumatized is very unpredictable.
Give them a gift card, a family board game, or a movie and popcorn.
Ask a family if they need anything.
Volunteer your time as a mentor to a child living in a group home ... but be consistent and committed! Don't be another person who shows up for awhile then abandons them again. One of my sons lived in a group home after his father died and his mother never lived with him. He had a school teacher take an interest in him and visited him at his group home, had him over for Thanksgiving dinner, and took him on outings. That helped boost his self-esteem immensely.
Walk beside us. Sometimes this is a very lonely road.
There is always something you can do to help support orphans and foster/adoptive families.
