Two Who Climbed to the Top, and Made It

I haven't posted in awhile, and there's much in our lives I haven't blogged about, but this ... this is exciting.
For all you parents who are wondering what will happen to your children with special needs when they're grown, for those struggling with FASD/FAE, ASD or developmental delays, Behavioral/emotional issues, or any other roadblock to what society considers a normal adulthood. There is hope for their future. These 2 teenagers have just been accepted into the Culinary Arts program at Job Corps.

I couldn't be more proud and excited for them. When I adopted them at ages 7 and 14, they couldn't read or write at all. They didn't understand much of the language people used in every day speech. They had a very hard time controlling their emotions and behavioral responses to anger. They had suffered the loss of their biological families and, for one, the loss of several foster and potential adoptive homes.
When I first met them, I was told they'd never learn like other children, that they'd always need to live with me and be cared for by me. I was told they'd be a burden on my family, especially when I die, and possibly a burden on society forever. I was told by Job Corps that they cannot accept children with special needs like theirs. I never bought into any of that thinking for any of my children. Did I worry about their future? Definitely. Some days I wanted to give up on them like others had. Some days were hard, but I'm quite sure every day has been hard for them. Despite their tumultuous lives, they've embraced Jesus and earnestly seek Him and have overcome so much. They've made it!
I am not a perfect parent, not by a long shot. I'm no expert of any kind but I do know to point people to the cross. I provided opportunities and support. That's it. We are a Homeschooling family. Despite my flaws, I am honored that God chose to use me in their lives. This milestone reassures me that God has a place and a purpose for all of us. What a great God we serve.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

National Adoption Month

It's National Adoption Month!

Nationwide, 30,000 adolescents age out of the foster care system yearly. According to the Child Welfare League of America, 25% are homeless, 56% are unemployed, 27% of males end up in jail and 30% of females have children of their own shortly after aging out.

This map shows the number of children available for adoption and the number of churches in each state. if just one family from each church adopts one child, there wouldn't be enough children. These statistics blow my mind.

I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:18

You don't have to foster or adopt to help children in care. There are many ways you can help. You can help families who do foster or adopt by being a shoulder to lean on, a child''s mentor or respite worker, or you can help in tangible ways like mowing their lawn or preparing a meal when they're going through a hard time with one or more of their children. You can visit websites to find other ideas, like here.

Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed.
Psalm 82:3

Angels in Adoption trip to Washington, DC

We met Congressman Donald Norcross at a community event last November. He nominated me as an Angel in Adoption and I was chosen for the honor for NJ. People or organizations are chosen from each state.
It was wonderful to meet other people in the foster care/adoption arena and talking with others who have a heart for foster children and orphans and a passion to give them a permanent, stable family. It was also wonderful to meet the interns working for CCAI, the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute. They were all in "the system" at one time, many had aged out of foster care. When the children were asked to share what they loved most about the Angels events, my son Daniel brought tears to people's eyes when he said his favorite part was meeting the interns and seeing that they are successful and doing positive things in the world and not just another negative statistic.
On day 1, we checked in and met people from different agencies to learn what they do to help children. Then, we were given a walking tour of the Capitol Building and a bus tour of the city. The day ended with a dessert social.

On day 2, we attended the Congressional lunch and chatted with Congressman Norcross. I received my Angels pin. Then, we visited Arlington Cemetery where we watched the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier and saw the eternal flame at JFK's grave site.

I could not attend day 3 activities as I had court to begin my littlest one's adoption. I did attend the gala that evening with my oldest son.

It was a blessing and an honor to be chosen as an Angel in Adoption and meet so many wonderful people.

One Month of Thankfulness

I've been doing a status update each day in November to say something I'm thankful for that day. Today, there are too many people to thank for a status update; I felt it needed an entire blog post.

There are many days when I'm caring for the Texan Princess that I think about someone who's helped provide for her, even in the smallest of ways. I love my "village".



I'm thankful for my Church Family, especially my Texas friends at Mayfield Park Church, who welcomed us in, made us feel at home, fed us with thought-provoking, bible-based sermons and Celebrate Recovery, and provided diaper bags, clothing, carseat covers, and so many other baby items.

 



I'm also thankful for my New Jersey friends at Fellowship Community Church for the excellent sermons, Celebrate Recovery along with The Landing and Teen Chat, and for the stroller, swing, changing table, exersaucer, and many other baby items gifted to us.

 



I'm thankful for my friends and former students, who gifted us with clothing, carseats, playmats, bouncy seats, and various other baby items as well as support and love.



I'm also thankful for the FulltimeFamilies RV group and for their love, support, friendship, cribs, clothing, and other baby items gifted to us.

I'm especially thankful for my son, Arthur, who is an amazing young man who takes excellent care of the Princess in my absence. His love for her is evident without question.





I'm always thankful for a loving Father God who provides for all of our needs.

Because of my loving, supporting "village", which includes many states in the USA, I actually had to purchase very little for the Texan Princess. We are surely blessed. Thank you all!

Show Some Love to Aged Out Youth - One Case

Anyone who knows me at all knows I have a passion to adopt older children from foster care and to support youth who age out of foster care with no permanent family to call their own. Their adult lives are usually bleak and difficult with little to no support system. One youth who aged out in Colorado advertised for a family to celebrate her birthday with on craigslist.

The above family is near and dear to my heart. The mom is the sister of 3 of my adopted boys with her significant other and their two boys. She just had a baby girl today, as well. Baby Girl was born 6 weeks early. The parents aged out of foster care. They grew up without a permanent family to call their own. Momma has never had a baby shower. The family has many needs; however, it is my desire to show them some love at this time. I'd like to ask my friends and followers if you'd help me show them some love by sending them a card, flowers, or whatever your heart desires.

You can send cards, flowers, etc. to:
Baby Girl Martinez
The BirthPlace
Southwest General Hospital
7400 Barlite Blvd
San Antonio, TX 78224

You also can help by using my "donate" button or purchasing items from the baby registry at Target, or search it using my name and email address: Alison Graf alisongraf@aol.com
Prayers are always welcome, of course.
Thank you so much.

Sometimes, Kids are Amazing. Sometimes, the Church is Not.

At church tonight, our congregation was asked to stand if we've fostered 3 or more children. I thought to myself, "Well, I know many people who have fostered tens or hundreds of children. I bet lots of people will stand." Nope. Not at all. When we got home, I commented that it was very sad that no one else stood up.
Sitting here chatting with one of my sons before bedtime, he starts telling me about all of the Christian people he has come across in his life who help children in some way: some of his foster parents, hospital workers, group home workers, etc. He started telling a story of how he had had a conversation with a young man working at the hospital he stayed in after his suicide attempts. I recall that time in my life. I was frantic. Worried sick. Angry. Frustrated. As I rushed to get his bag of clothes ready and drive them to the hospital for him, I was spouting off bible verses and truths about God's love for my son that I expected another son to relay to my hospitalized son. His response was, "Ma, you gotta chill. Just let him have some time to be angry." Yes, my son was angry ... at me, at himself, at his birth mother, at the world, ... at God. So, he had decided it would be better to go to sleep and never wake up again than to keep on living.
I was quite surprised to learn my son had been preaching the gospel the entire time he was hospitalized. He certainly wasn't talking to me much at all. He says the Christian woman who worked at the hospital took a liking to him and let him stay up later than the other kids on the floor. He also met a Jewish man and had quite a discussion about religion with him . He chatted with a man who viewed his religion as just that: a religion. He wasn't particularly faithful in it and married a woman with a different faith. My son asked him some questions, which he refused to answer, then he came back at my son with the same questions, which he promptly answered. My son explained that his faith is not about religion but about a relationship with God. The man asked how he can have a relationship with someone who is not there. Ahhhh, but He is here. So, my son explained how that is possible; how God speaks to us and is always with us.

I must admit, I'm quite impressed by my son's insight and courage. Also, I'm surprised to hear that he was leading people to Jesus, all the while he was mad as hell at God at the time. Funny how God works.
Some days, I can't wait to meet my next child(ren). Some days, I feel whooped and am ready to quit adopting. When no one stood up at church tonight, I was saddened. I told my son, if I were the leader of a church, that definitely would not be acceptable to me. As a church, we should be appalled by the lack of commitment to our orphans. Do you know, if only one family from each church adopted only one child, there wouldn't be enough children for everyone? Yet, we have thousands of children waiting in foster care for a permanent family to call their own.
May is National Foster Care month. Growing up in foster care is not good. Many children are abused in foster care, on top of the abuse/neglect they faced in their first homes. There are good foster homes, yes, but that is still different than having your own forever family. Foster children feel unloved, unwanted, and unworthy. All of my children came to me feeling that way. They lacked faith or had a burning anger toward God. They waited in foster care for 5-10 years to be adopted. Some were bounced from home to home or, in some cases, from hospital to hospital. Most of them have siblings who were adopted either by birth family or foster families. The first question I had to face when they moved in with me was, "Why did my (birth/foster) family adopt my (brother/sister) but not me?" or "Why didn't my parents want me?" That's some tough stuff right there. Many, many children in foster care are never adopted. They age out. The statistics (or these) on what happens to kids who age out of foster care are staggering. My sons have siblings who aged out. They struggle. They need parents, even over the age of 18. Their children are now in foster care. My "grandbabies" have gotten scabies in their foster home. They've contracted lice. They had ticks on them. They show up to visits wearing baggie clothes and shoes that are 2 sizes too big. I gave them each $10 for their school book fair, which was stolen by their foster parent. They've been beaten up by older children in the home before. And this is where they're supposed to be safe?
The church needs to step up and do something, do more than we are doing. I understand that not everyone is called to foster or adopt, but many of you are. Why aren't you? Yes, it's hard at times. So? Parenting is hard. Period. Not everything God asks us to do will be easy. If it were, would it be fullfilling? Would it glorify Him? Would it increase people's faith? Would it lead people to the cross? Step out in faith and just do it. Stop finding excuses. If He asks you to do it, He will provide the way.

I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:18

"Adoption changes a person. It just does." That is a quote from one of my boys. None of them understand it, yet, but, yes, adoption changes a person. God has healed my children, and me, from so much heartache. It has been a blessing to witness His work.

... He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will - Ephesians 1:5

And to those who are not called to foster or adopt, you are called to help the orphans and widows in their distress and to give to the poor. Are you?

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

Here are some ways you can help:
Pray for orphans and families. Pray for the church.
Donate to group homes, foster family associations, adoption agencies, foster/adoptive families you know, etc.
Cook a family a meal. Invite them over for game night. Don't be offended if they can't come or must leave early. Raising children who were traumatized is very unpredictable.
Give them a gift card, a family board game, or a movie and popcorn.
Ask a family if they need anything.
Volunteer your time as a mentor to a child living in a group home ... but be consistent and committed! Don't be another person who shows up for awhile then abandons them again. One of my sons lived in a group home after his father died and his mother never lived with him. He had a school teacher take an interest in him and visited him at his group home, had him over for Thanksgiving dinner, and took him on outings. That helped boost his self-esteem immensely.
Walk beside us. Sometimes this is a very lonely road.
There is always something you can do to help support orphans and foster/adoptive families.

My Daniel

Daniel took a long time writing his testimony. Every attempt resulted in a testimony of novel proportions. Perhaps someday he will write a book, although writing is the thing he despises most. He has joked, tho, that maybe God will use his worst subject to speak to the most people. Who knows? We all know God works best through our weakness.

Daniel's life verse is Daniel 6:26-28:

I issue a decree that in every part of my kingdom people must fear and reverence the God of Daniel.

     "For he is the living God

          and he endures forever;

     his kingdom will not be destroyed

          his dominion will never end.

     He rescues and he saves

          he performs signs and wonders

          in the heavens and on the earth.

     He has rescued Daniel

          from the power of the lions."

So Daniel prospered during the reign of Darius and the reign of Cyrus the Persian.

Daniel chose this verse as his life verse because it "describes the character of God and that all have been saved from the power of the lions. It shows love and forgiveness."

For Daniel, the "power of the lions" represents all the evil things done to him in his early life and he was rescued and saved through adoption when God placed him in his new forever family. Does that mean his life suddenly became easy? No. He had much trauma to overcome. He also had much grief and loss to overcome. It took many years to work through all of that, and he continues to work through things, with God and his mama by his side. I'm very proud of the young man he has become.

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