Making Adjustments in Life and Adoption Day

Life is dynamic, always changing, constantly requiring that we adjust to the changes. Some changes we choose. Others are thrown our way. Recent changes in our family life were made by choice. We (my 6 minor children and I) were perusing the photolistings after my children had asked me just how does one find children waiting to be adopted. We happened upon a brother/sister set three of my children had grown up with in their first foster home. The 2 sibling sets were separated after living together for about 4 years. They last saw each other about 4 years ago. That's 8+ years this set had waited in foster care for a forever family. Sad fact.

Today is adoption day and happens to be 2 days before the older sibling's 18th birthday. We celebrated it this weekend at Chuck-E-Cheese's ... a favorite place of ours to celebrate birthdays. Had events not taken shape the way they did, this child would have aged out of foster care without a forever family. I can't even imagine what that might feel like: not to have a consistent parent checking on you to be sure your life is going OK, not to have a family to call upon from college when feeling lonely, not to have family to celebrate holidays and life events with, not to have someone to bum money from or to watch you graduate college, not to have that parent to dance with at your wedding or clean house for you before you bring your new baby home from the hospital, etc.

Adding 2 more personalities to a household with 7 other personalities hasn't been as difficult as I had feared: a small fear stemming from a lack of trust in God, perhaps. My faith in God has grown by leaps and bounds over the years but I guess old earthly habits die hard. The new kiddos just seemed to slide right into a groove and meshed nicely with the others and adjusted to the family routine. I currently have 4 "littles" and 4 "bigs". Sometimes we do activities more geared toward littles, sometimes bigs, but they all have fun wherever we go for the most part. I get compliments on how well-behaved they all are constantly, everywhere we go. They are truly nice people. They are a joy to be with most of the time. I only say 'most of the time' because I do face raddish behaviors at times and they hurt. A. LOT. But they are well-worth the effort and they have diminished over time. Time heals all wounds? Maybe some. Love conquers all? Hardly. It's a lot of work. It has required that I swallow my pride countless times and accept being yelled at, cussed at, disregarded and disrespected in many ways. It has meant forgiving them before they even ask for forgiveness, and sometimes that asking never comes. It has meant accepting the transfer of pain from their heart to mine without taking it personally. In fact, I try to accept it lovingly and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I must keep reminding myself, however, that the pain I feel is only a small effect of the pain they feel, and have felt for a life time, inside so that I can continually choose to accept it in the hopes it will lessen theirs, if even just a little, because they deserve that. That's not to say I always accept it graciously. Sometimes I accept it kicking and screaming, not wanting it, not wanting to feel it and it does require that I set time aside for my own healing afterward.
Another adjustments for us has been being at a sticks and bricks house. When we left the road, I was aggitated. Irritable. Bored being stuck in one spot, not having the freedom to travel. We can't wait to get back on the road, but we have settled into a routine that involves our local home church and, for that, we are so greatful.

I truly believe what is meant to be will be. I believe my children were chosen for me and we fit together so nicely, even with all of our various quirks, issues, and diagnoses. I am honored to have been blessed with the responsibility of raising these children up. I keep reminding myself of that every time they leave their stuff all over the floor. ;-)