"How Do I Do It?"

"How do you do it?" I get this question a lot. Almost everywhere we go, from almost everyone we meet, I get some version of this question. People at every church we visit ask this. Phil Robertson, from Duck Dynasty, asked it in his own unique way: "How many do you HAVE?" LOL.

Behold, children are a heritage of the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3

You see, I'm a single homeschooling mom of the youngest 8 of my 12 children. I know many parents who have as many children as I do, and sometimes many more children, many who've adopted, and some who've adopted kids affected by trauma. Mine is actually one of the smaller large families I know but I realize most people aren't familiar with any large families, or large adoptive families, or kids with trauma histories. It is the PTSD and trauma history, and the behaviors that result from that, as well as my reactions to those behaviors, that escalated and brought this family into a crisis situation just 2 years ago. I had children busting holes in walls regularly, running away, fighting at school and getting suspended, barely passing their classes, harming themselves, ... one threatened suicide and another attempted suicide. Twice.

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12

We traveled PT in our RV for 3 years before we hit the road FT. Before that, we couldn't ever leave our home town for very long, or go very far at that time. Our lives were dictated by medication cocktail regimens and doctor appointments: monthly psychiatrist visits, monthly social worker visits, biweekly or weekly therapist sessions, and a plethora of other specialist appointments. There also were random episodes interacting with local law enforcement, runs to the crisis hospital, and CPS calls from the public schools, not to mention the occasional broken door, hole in the wall, overturned furniture, etc.
How did I turn all this around? I didn't. I couldn't. God did. What I did do was seek Him and His guidance with all I had. Sadly, this was my last resort, what I tried when all else had failed, when the situation had gotten so totally out of control. It should have been my first option. It certainly was the only viable option. It has been my greatest desire to get my children to know, and feel, God's love for them, and my love for them, even in my completely imperfect brokenness.

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. Lamentations 3:25

Our journey began after I adopted 3 brothers. One kept asking me to take them to church. I had gone to church in the past but, due to behaviors and false accusations of a previously adopted child, I felt shunned by that church. It left a bad taste in my mouth. Plus, I did work all week. I was tired on weekends, there were lesson plans to do, etc. After months of begging, I finally conceded to search for a church family for us. I Googled all churches in my area with the things I like in a service: modern music, Sunday school, youth activities, etc. Each weekend, we attended one or more services at different churches until we found one or two we liked and began attending regularly: Sunday school and Sunday service. That's not what did it for us, though, but it did open the doors.

Seek the Lord and his strength; seek His presence continually. 1 Chronicles 16:11

We started getting involved in more biblical learning opportunities. My children started attending bible study and youth group. They came home one night with a small booklet called 30 Days with Jesus or 40 Days with Jesus. I forget which one, exactly, but the idea was we had to READ this every single day for a month or more. I was still working at that time. Finding 30 minutes per day to read a devotional seemed impossible. However, we did it. We found the time each night. It got us into the habit of reading together each night. We used to read together some nights, usually fiction novels, but we started reading the bible together. We really started to enjoy it. Reading the bible used to be a daunting task for me, and I certainly never thought my children would understand it, but the more we went to church and listened to sermons about bible passages, the more we learned the major themes presented throughout the bible and comprehending it became much easier.

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

Then, I was listening to KLove one day and they were asking people to take the "30-day challenge": listen to only Christian music for 30 days and see how your life changes. OK. Challenge accepted. We listen to almost nothing but Christian music these days. Listening to Christian music has helped us feel better. The mood and climate of my family has been completely transformed. The music encourages us and keeps us focused on God. Some songs have brought me to tears and have really spoken into my life. I highly recommend it.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. James 4:8

Even after these steps, my family was still a hot mess. I kept seeking help for them. Therapy increased. Meds changed. I tried desperately to find a self-help or support group for teen boys who'd been abused/neglected. I found such a group for girls but none for boys. Then, quite by accident, I found Celebrate Recovery with its Landing program for teens and Celebration Place for children. We attended meetings every Thursday night over an hour away from our home. This program helped heal my heart of its past hurts, which I never realized were there affecting my life as much as they were, and my youngest children loved it. My teens were OK with it but it did bring out PTSD flashbacks for one and we had to stop going for awhile. We did get back to it and now they all love it. We still attend and always learn something new about ourselves or about God's will for our lives.

And those who know Your name put their trust in You, for You, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you. Psalm 9:10

My home church also offered some classes to teach people how to be disciples in Christian counseling. I took every class offered, at any church I could, in an effort to learn how to best help my family. I also learned a lot from the Post Institute regarding how best to react respond to my children in the midst of their behaviors. I found some videos by Christine Moers, who is now a therapeutic parenting coach and have gotten some precious, treasured advice from her that really helped me help my son in the midst of his depression. He began to improve. We found a little help and healing from everything but found our greatest help, hope, and healing from God Himself through our relationship with Jesus Christ.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. James 1:5

Attending church-related programs almost daily really took it's toll on us, however. By Thursday mornings we could barely get up for work and school. I lost my job in all the chaos and my boys were constantly being suspended anyway so, I started homeschooling them. I pulled them out 2 at a time until they were all home. Each time a new child joined our family, or each time we started slipping back into chaos, we retreated from life and simply stayed home reading the bible together until our focus was on God and His will for us. One by one, my children's hearts were healed. One by one, they accepted Christ as their Lord and Savior. One by one, they were transformed. One by one, they went off all medications. I would say I started seeking God earnestly about 2 years ago. I started teaching my children to be Jesus seekers shortly thereafter. I will be forever grateful for all He has done for us. We each have a testimony to share and it has become part of the reason we travel. We travel to raise awareness of the need for forever families for the many children waiting to be adopted and to give hope and encouragement to other families struggling with the effects of past trauma on their children. That's not to say we don't have days with struggle. We do. Despite our struggles and mistakes, God is working in our lives. We are free. Free in every way, including medication-free. Living under God's grace, mercy, and love.

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6
being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6

We finally launched and traveled FT for 6 months before we had to leave the road to do another adoption. Now, we wait. We are taking advantage of this opportunity to be stationary by involving ourselves in youth group ministries, bible studies, Celebrate Recovery, and fellowship opportunities at our home church as well as educational opportunities in the area. Because I've been homeschooling/roadschooling for almost three years now, year-round, my older children caught up with their peers and were able to graduate high school early in order to go to college. So, they're taking classes at a local college. I have no doubt God will work in my future children's lives the way He has faithfully worked in ours. Gotta love that!

The Lord is my strength and my song, and He has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise Him, my father's God, and I will exalt Him. Exodus 15:2