One Month of Thankfulness

I've been doing a status update each day in November to say something I'm thankful for that day. Today, there are too many people to thank for a status update; I felt it needed an entire blog post.

There are many days when I'm caring for the Texan Princess that I think about someone who's helped provide for her, even in the smallest of ways. I love my "village".



I'm thankful for my Church Family, especially my Texas friends at Mayfield Park Church, who welcomed us in, made us feel at home, fed us with thought-provoking, bible-based sermons and Celebrate Recovery, and provided diaper bags, clothing, carseat covers, and so many other baby items.

 



I'm also thankful for my New Jersey friends at Fellowship Community Church for the excellent sermons, Celebrate Recovery along with The Landing and Teen Chat, and for the stroller, swing, changing table, exersaucer, and many other baby items gifted to us.

 



I'm thankful for my friends and former students, who gifted us with clothing, carseats, playmats, bouncy seats, and various other baby items as well as support and love.



I'm also thankful for the FulltimeFamilies RV group and for their love, support, friendship, cribs, clothing, and other baby items gifted to us.

I'm especially thankful for my son, Arthur, who is an amazing young man who takes excellent care of the Princess in my absence. His love for her is evident without question.





I'm always thankful for a loving Father God who provides for all of our needs.

Because of my loving, supporting "village", which includes many states in the USA, I actually had to purchase very little for the Texan Princess. We are surely blessed. Thank you all!

Show Some Love to Aged Out Youth - One Case

Anyone who knows me at all knows I have a passion to adopt older children from foster care and to support youth who age out of foster care with no permanent family to call their own. Their adult lives are usually bleak and difficult with little to no support system. One youth who aged out in Colorado advertised for a family to celebrate her birthday with on craigslist.

The above family is near and dear to my heart. The mom is the sister of 3 of my adopted boys with her significant other and their two boys. She just had a baby girl today, as well. Baby Girl was born 6 weeks early. The parents aged out of foster care. They grew up without a permanent family to call their own. Momma has never had a baby shower. The family has many needs; however, it is my desire to show them some love at this time. I'd like to ask my friends and followers if you'd help me show them some love by sending them a card, flowers, or whatever your heart desires.

You can send cards, flowers, etc. to:
Baby Girl Martinez
The BirthPlace
Southwest General Hospital
7400 Barlite Blvd
San Antonio, TX 78224

You also can help by using my "donate" button or purchasing items from the baby registry at Target, or search it using my name and email address: Alison Graf alisongraf@aol.com
Prayers are always welcome, of course.
Thank you so much.

Sometimes, Kids are Amazing. Sometimes, the Church is Not.

At church tonight, our congregation was asked to stand if we've fostered 3 or more children. I thought to myself, "Well, I know many people who have fostered tens or hundreds of children. I bet lots of people will stand." Nope. Not at all. When we got home, I commented that it was very sad that no one else stood up.
Sitting here chatting with one of my sons before bedtime, he starts telling me about all of the Christian people he has come across in his life who help children in some way: some of his foster parents, hospital workers, group home workers, etc. He started telling a story of how he had had a conversation with a young man working at the hospital he stayed in after his suicide attempts. I recall that time in my life. I was frantic. Worried sick. Angry. Frustrated. As I rushed to get his bag of clothes ready and drive them to the hospital for him, I was spouting off bible verses and truths about God's love for my son that I expected another son to relay to my hospitalized son. His response was, "Ma, you gotta chill. Just let him have some time to be angry." Yes, my son was angry ... at me, at himself, at his birth mother, at the world, ... at God. So, he had decided it would be better to go to sleep and never wake up again than to keep on living.
I was quite surprised to learn my son had been preaching the gospel the entire time he was hospitalized. He certainly wasn't talking to me much at all. He says the Christian woman who worked at the hospital took a liking to him and let him stay up later than the other kids on the floor. He also met a Jewish man and had quite a discussion about religion with him . He chatted with a man who viewed his religion as just that: a religion. He wasn't particularly faithful in it and married a woman with a different faith. My son asked him some questions, which he refused to answer, then he came back at my son with the same questions, which he promptly answered. My son explained that his faith is not about religion but about a relationship with God. The man asked how he can have a relationship with someone who is not there. Ahhhh, but He is here. So, my son explained how that is possible; how God speaks to us and is always with us.

I must admit, I'm quite impressed by my son's insight and courage. Also, I'm surprised to hear that he was leading people to Jesus, all the while he was mad as hell at God at the time. Funny how God works.
Some days, I can't wait to meet my next child(ren). Some days, I feel whooped and am ready to quit adopting. When no one stood up at church tonight, I was saddened. I told my son, if I were the leader of a church, that definitely would not be acceptable to me. As a church, we should be appalled by the lack of commitment to our orphans. Do you know, if only one family from each church adopted only one child, there wouldn't be enough children for everyone? Yet, we have thousands of children waiting in foster care for a permanent family to call their own.
May is National Foster Care month. Growing up in foster care is not good. Many children are abused in foster care, on top of the abuse/neglect they faced in their first homes. There are good foster homes, yes, but that is still different than having your own forever family. Foster children feel unloved, unwanted, and unworthy. All of my children came to me feeling that way. They lacked faith or had a burning anger toward God. They waited in foster care for 5-10 years to be adopted. Some were bounced from home to home or, in some cases, from hospital to hospital. Most of them have siblings who were adopted either by birth family or foster families. The first question I had to face when they moved in with me was, "Why did my (birth/foster) family adopt my (brother/sister) but not me?" or "Why didn't my parents want me?" That's some tough stuff right there. Many, many children in foster care are never adopted. They age out. The statistics (or these) on what happens to kids who age out of foster care are staggering. My sons have siblings who aged out. They struggle. They need parents, even over the age of 18. Their children are now in foster care. My "grandbabies" have gotten scabies in their foster home. They've contracted lice. They had ticks on them. They show up to visits wearing baggie clothes and shoes that are 2 sizes too big. I gave them each $10 for their school book fair, which was stolen by their foster parent. They've been beaten up by older children in the home before. And this is where they're supposed to be safe?
The church needs to step up and do something, do more than we are doing. I understand that not everyone is called to foster or adopt, but many of you are. Why aren't you? Yes, it's hard at times. So? Parenting is hard. Period. Not everything God asks us to do will be easy. If it were, would it be fullfilling? Would it glorify Him? Would it increase people's faith? Would it lead people to the cross? Step out in faith and just do it. Stop finding excuses. If He asks you to do it, He will provide the way.

I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:18

"Adoption changes a person. It just does." That is a quote from one of my boys. None of them understand it, yet, but, yes, adoption changes a person. God has healed my children, and me, from so much heartache. It has been a blessing to witness His work.

... He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will - Ephesians 1:5

And to those who are not called to foster or adopt, you are called to help the orphans and widows in their distress and to give to the poor. Are you?

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

Here are some ways you can help:
Pray for orphans and families. Pray for the church.
Donate to group homes, foster family associations, adoption agencies, foster/adoptive families you know, etc.
Cook a family a meal. Invite them over for game night. Don't be offended if they can't come or must leave early. Raising children who were traumatized is very unpredictable.
Give them a gift card, a family board game, or a movie and popcorn.
Ask a family if they need anything.
Volunteer your time as a mentor to a child living in a group home ... but be consistent and committed! Don't be another person who shows up for awhile then abandons them again. One of my sons lived in a group home after his father died and his mother never lived with him. He had a school teacher take an interest in him and visited him at his group home, had him over for Thanksgiving dinner, and took him on outings. That helped boost his self-esteem immensely.
Walk beside us. Sometimes this is a very lonely road.
There is always something you can do to help support orphans and foster/adoptive families.

My Daniel

Daniel took a long time writing his testimony. Every attempt resulted in a testimony of novel proportions. Perhaps someday he will write a book, although writing is the thing he despises most. He has joked, tho, that maybe God will use his worst subject to speak to the most people. Who knows? We all know God works best through our weakness.

Daniel's life verse is Daniel 6:26-28:

I issue a decree that in every part of my kingdom people must fear and reverence the God of Daniel.

     "For he is the living God

          and he endures forever;

     his kingdom will not be destroyed

          his dominion will never end.

     He rescues and he saves

          he performs signs and wonders

          in the heavens and on the earth.

     He has rescued Daniel

          from the power of the lions."

So Daniel prospered during the reign of Darius and the reign of Cyrus the Persian.

Daniel chose this verse as his life verse because it "describes the character of God and that all have been saved from the power of the lions. It shows love and forgiveness."

For Daniel, the "power of the lions" represents all the evil things done to him in his early life and he was rescued and saved through adoption when God placed him in his new forever family. Does that mean his life suddenly became easy? No. He had much trauma to overcome. He also had much grief and loss to overcome. It took many years to work through all of that, and he continues to work through things, with God and his mama by his side. I'm very proud of the young man he has become.

Back to "Who We Are"

"How Do I Do It?"

"How do you do it?" I get this question a lot. Almost everywhere we go, from almost everyone we meet, I get some version of this question. People at every church we visit ask this. Phil Robertson, from Duck Dynasty, asked it in his own unique way: "How many do you HAVE?" LOL.

Behold, children are a heritage of the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3

You see, I'm a single homeschooling mom of the youngest 8 of my 12 children. I know many parents who have as many children as I do, and sometimes many more children, many who've adopted, and some who've adopted kids affected by trauma. Mine is actually one of the smaller large families I know but I realize most people aren't familiar with any large families, or large adoptive families, or kids with trauma histories. It is the PTSD and trauma history, and the behaviors that result from that, as well as my reactions to those behaviors, that escalated and brought this family into a crisis situation just 2 years ago. I had children busting holes in walls regularly, running away, fighting at school and getting suspended, barely passing their classes, harming themselves, ... one threatened suicide and another attempted suicide. Twice.

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12

We traveled PT in our RV for 3 years before we hit the road FT. Before that, we couldn't ever leave our home town for very long, or go very far at that time. Our lives were dictated by medication cocktail regimens and doctor appointments: monthly psychiatrist visits, monthly social worker visits, biweekly or weekly therapist sessions, and a plethora of other specialist appointments. There also were random episodes interacting with local law enforcement, runs to the crisis hospital, and CPS calls from the public schools, not to mention the occasional broken door, hole in the wall, overturned furniture, etc.
How did I turn all this around? I didn't. I couldn't. God did. What I did do was seek Him and His guidance with all I had. Sadly, this was my last resort, what I tried when all else had failed, when the situation had gotten so totally out of control. It should have been my first option. It certainly was the only viable option. It has been my greatest desire to get my children to know, and feel, God's love for them, and my love for them, even in my completely imperfect brokenness.

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. Lamentations 3:25

Our journey began after I adopted 3 brothers. One kept asking me to take them to church. I had gone to church in the past but, due to behaviors and false accusations of a previously adopted child, I felt shunned by that church. It left a bad taste in my mouth. Plus, I did work all week. I was tired on weekends, there were lesson plans to do, etc. After months of begging, I finally conceded to search for a church family for us. I Googled all churches in my area with the things I like in a service: modern music, Sunday school, youth activities, etc. Each weekend, we attended one or more services at different churches until we found one or two we liked and began attending regularly: Sunday school and Sunday service. That's not what did it for us, though, but it did open the doors.

Seek the Lord and his strength; seek His presence continually. 1 Chronicles 16:11

We started getting involved in more biblical learning opportunities. My children started attending bible study and youth group. They came home one night with a small booklet called 30 Days with Jesus or 40 Days with Jesus. I forget which one, exactly, but the idea was we had to READ this every single day for a month or more. I was still working at that time. Finding 30 minutes per day to read a devotional seemed impossible. However, we did it. We found the time each night. It got us into the habit of reading together each night. We used to read together some nights, usually fiction novels, but we started reading the bible together. We really started to enjoy it. Reading the bible used to be a daunting task for me, and I certainly never thought my children would understand it, but the more we went to church and listened to sermons about bible passages, the more we learned the major themes presented throughout the bible and comprehending it became much easier.

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

Then, I was listening to KLove one day and they were asking people to take the "30-day challenge": listen to only Christian music for 30 days and see how your life changes. OK. Challenge accepted. We listen to almost nothing but Christian music these days. Listening to Christian music has helped us feel better. The mood and climate of my family has been completely transformed. The music encourages us and keeps us focused on God. Some songs have brought me to tears and have really spoken into my life. I highly recommend it.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. James 4:8

Even after these steps, my family was still a hot mess. I kept seeking help for them. Therapy increased. Meds changed. I tried desperately to find a self-help or support group for teen boys who'd been abused/neglected. I found such a group for girls but none for boys. Then, quite by accident, I found Celebrate Recovery with its Landing program for teens and Celebration Place for children. We attended meetings every Thursday night over an hour away from our home. This program helped heal my heart of its past hurts, which I never realized were there affecting my life as much as they were, and my youngest children loved it. My teens were OK with it but it did bring out PTSD flashbacks for one and we had to stop going for awhile. We did get back to it and now they all love it. We still attend and always learn something new about ourselves or about God's will for our lives.

And those who know Your name put their trust in You, for You, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you. Psalm 9:10

My home church also offered some classes to teach people how to be disciples in Christian counseling. I took every class offered, at any church I could, in an effort to learn how to best help my family. I also learned a lot from the Post Institute regarding how best to react respond to my children in the midst of their behaviors. I found some videos by Christine Moers, who is now a therapeutic parenting coach and have gotten some precious, treasured advice from her that really helped me help my son in the midst of his depression. He began to improve. We found a little help and healing from everything but found our greatest help, hope, and healing from God Himself through our relationship with Jesus Christ.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. James 1:5

Attending church-related programs almost daily really took it's toll on us, however. By Thursday mornings we could barely get up for work and school. I lost my job in all the chaos and my boys were constantly being suspended anyway so, I started homeschooling them. I pulled them out 2 at a time until they were all home. Each time a new child joined our family, or each time we started slipping back into chaos, we retreated from life and simply stayed home reading the bible together until our focus was on God and His will for us. One by one, my children's hearts were healed. One by one, they accepted Christ as their Lord and Savior. One by one, they were transformed. One by one, they went off all medications. I would say I started seeking God earnestly about 2 years ago. I started teaching my children to be Jesus seekers shortly thereafter. I will be forever grateful for all He has done for us. We each have a testimony to share and it has become part of the reason we travel. We travel to raise awareness of the need for forever families for the many children waiting to be adopted and to give hope and encouragement to other families struggling with the effects of past trauma on their children. That's not to say we don't have days with struggle. We do. Despite our struggles and mistakes, God is working in our lives. We are free. Free in every way, including medication-free. Living under God's grace, mercy, and love.

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6
being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6

We finally launched and traveled FT for 6 months before we had to leave the road to do another adoption. Now, we wait. We are taking advantage of this opportunity to be stationary by involving ourselves in youth group ministries, bible studies, Celebrate Recovery, and fellowship opportunities at our home church as well as educational opportunities in the area. Because I've been homeschooling/roadschooling for almost three years now, year-round, my older children caught up with their peers and were able to graduate high school early in order to go to college. So, they're taking classes at a local college. I have no doubt God will work in my future children's lives the way He has faithfully worked in ours. Gotta love that!

The Lord is my strength and my song, and He has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise Him, my father's God, and I will exalt Him. Exodus 15:2

My Chloe Bug

This girl is the baby of our family. I adopted her when she was 7 years old. She was developmentally delayed, which caused her to get hurt by other children running and playing around her, creating in her a great deal of fear: fear of falling down, fear of steps, fear of heights, fear of jumping, fear of walking over jetty rocks, fear of cracks in sidewalks .... you name it, she feared it. In her fear, and with her diagnosis of autism, she'd often melt down into a raging tantrum. Many. Times. Each. Day. Her anxiety caused her to self harm. When I met her, she was taking 21 pills per day under psychiatric care. Today, she is medication-free, thanks to her relationship with Jesus.
Yes, Chloe still struggles at times with self-control, fear, and anxiety, but she has learned to Google bible verses that help her in these areas. I didn't realize how much fear she had overcome until she jumped into the pool at a campground one day. I asked her how she was able to jump in like that after years of resisting. She said, "I just prayed about it and did it. God helped me not be scared."
Chloe's favorite bible verse is Ephesians 6:11:

Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.

Back to "Who We Are"

Who We Are

We are a large, racially mixed, adoptive, homeschooling/roadschooling, Christian family. Our desire is to share our testimonies of how God's love healed our hearts and brought us all together as a family while repairing broken relationships with others. We were a family in crises. Broken. Now we are a family filled with the love, peace, and hope found in Jesus Christ. We hope other families will find peace, hope, and encouragement from our stories. I will add testimonies to this page as they are written.

It has seemed good to me to show the signs and wonders that the Most High God has done for me. Daniel 4:2
Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon His name; make known his deeds among the peoples! 1 Chronicles 16:8
But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect; 1 Peter 3:15

Alison

God has chosen you to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Colossians 1:27

Daniel

He rescues and he saves; he performs signs and wonders in the heavens and on the earth. He has rescued Daniel from the power of the lions. Daniel 6:27

Richard

I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

Arthur

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Mercy

Chloe

Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. Ephesians 6:11